(image not mine)
I want it all. And why the hell wouldn’t I?
I am a woman of 24 (still catch myself thinking I’m 23…);
I want a career, a life partner, a dog, a family, FRIENDS I can trust, pretty things, a comfortable life, books, music, make-up, blankets in the winter and AC in the summer.
I wanna live.
I find myself waking up tired, no matter how long I sleep. I still think everyday is a Sunday -you should treat yo self every once in a while, right?- the problem is when you treat yo self every damn day and you end up doing nothing.
“If you never did anything you wouldn’t become anyone”, said Jenny in An Education (2009).
And, if I want it all, I need to start doing more, wishing less. ACT! DO!
Stop dreaming, dreamer.
I watched this film the other day and let me tell you: there is more to this Rihanna / Beyoncé / Whitney Houston hybrid.
Written and directed by a black female (Gina Prince-Bythewood) and with the magnificent acting of Gugu Mbatha-Raw, this film should be your to-watch list if you haven’t seen it yet. It captures you from minute 1 and won’t let you go until the end.
On being a black female director: “People ask me all the time if I feel discriminated against as a black female director and I actually don’t. I get offered a ton of stuff and if I wanted to get work all the time I could. But I like to direct what I’ve written. I feel what’s discriminated against are my choices — which is to focus on people of color and more specifically women of color. Those are the films that are not getting made and those are the films that take a lot more fight. But I’m up for the fight, because if I’m not making them they’re not going to get made, and then we become invisible again.”
– Gina Prince-Bythewood, NPR’s Morning Edition (November 2014)
It’s to time to shout it out the windows (I don’t care about the rain).
I am in love. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Sappy, kind, ridiculous love.
And you know the best part about it? he loves me back.
It’s the kind of love that makes me want to write lists about his quirks, to write down every inspiring word that comes out of his mouth; the kind of love that makes it exciting to walk along him with his hand on my waist. It’s the kind of love that makes me freeze every time he says something oh, so romantic!, or whenever he looks at me in that way of his.
I am in love.
And ugh, how I needed it…
I have been thinking about you,
In fact, I have always been thinking about you. I finally realized that for some reason, I’ve always dreamed about you. And now I am awake and you still wander around my mind. My eyes are constantly craving for yours, my ears want the sound of your voice, of your sighs. My limbs want the touch of your hands and my arms miss your body. My words are waiting to be uttered and you, you, you, are all I want.
I find it hard to concentrate. I can do stuff, like normal people, but then, all of a sudden, you pop into my thoughts and I remember something you did without realizing it or the way you looked at me when I did something I didn’t notice. Your eyes, your eyelashes, your cheeks.
I want to make you happy, the same way you make me happy. I want to make you laugh after a long day, I want you to marvel at my unbroken body, my appetite, my scars, my soul.
I have been thinking about you. For better or for worse, you’re all I can think about now.
But I’m going to try to write something anyway.
The world remains silent, still.
My mind wanders, my thoughts scramble.
My eyes redden.
My ears bleed.
Been thinking of the future,
Been regreting my past,
Been imagining distant worlds,
Went to a funeral the other day,
remembered my dad’s corpse.
His still limbs,
his closed eyes,
his hairy hands,
his last words.
Tried to imagine what my future will be like.
No one can say that this makes sense,
but at least it’s honest.