(dis)illusion

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One thing you don’t know about me is how nervous and expectant I become when it comes to new stuff, new people and new events. Like, I can’t even meet someone without thinking “uhm, I wonder if we will be friends? will he/she like me? does he/she hate me already?”. It’s not a normal thing… right?

Does it just happens to me?

You see, you meet a stranger and you’re automatically thinking about the randomest scenarios ever. Like today. I met these two awesome guys and for a moment all I could think about was “what if we became really good friends and ended up traveling the world together?”.

SEE?

I can’t have new things. I can’t meet new people.

Everyone tells me I should just relax and let things flow. Maybe I force them a bit too much? like for example, not being able to speak to someone because you are afraid of what he/she will think of you? Does it make sense?

Maybe I really just need to relax a bit and we’ll see what the future holds, right? Maybe if I go around chasing the occasion, it won’t ever come to me.

But, don’t worry. I haven’t been psycho-thinking of anyone -and I haven’t imagined my wedding with a stranger just yet!!!

What I do is daydream. Most of my time I will not be living in reality, I’ll be imagining some weird scenario in which I’m living alone, or with fifty people, or maybe I’m not living, I’m just a spirit creeping all over you. My thoughts wander from the most normal things like “is the damned bus coming already?” to “does that dog notice that his owner is a jerk?” I look at people at the street and wonder what are they doing with their lives and if they are happy with them. Most of them don’t seem to be. And then, when the stars align, I find myself thinking that life is beautiful and that the song that has been on my ipod since forever but I didn’t quite like is one of the best well-written songs ever.

But I guess that’s just life, right?

Illusioned or not, I will keep walking around, observing things, imagining weird stuff… and maybe, just maybe, telling you all about it.

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